Summary of Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss | Talks at Google

00:00:00 - 00:50:00

Chris Voss is a business consultant and former FBI hostage negotiator. In this video, he discusses the importance of effective negotiation skills, both in business and in personal interactions. He shares stories and jokes to illustrate his points, and offers advice on how to overcome fear of loss and get the conversation started.

• 00:00:00 Chris Voss discusses the importance of being able to negotiate "no" calmly and respectfully, and how to handle subsequent conversations in a productive way.
• 00:05:00 The speaker discusses the three approaches to conflict: fight, flight, and make friends. He says that it is more important for the other person to feel empathy than sympathy, and that coming from that position is key to getting them to agree to a deal. The speaker says that the "oh you get it" and "yeah" responses are key to getting the other person to agree.
• 00:10:00 Chris Voss discusses the three types of negotiators he has observed in his career - the assertive, the analytical, and the accommodator. He talks about how becoming more experienced helps you to develop traits from all three types, and how hostage negotiation has been a part of his life indirectly but importantly.
• 00:15:00 Chris Voss shared his story of how he became a successful negotiator, and how he applied the same techniques to his personal and business life. He credits his colleagues at the FBI for their support and encouragement.
• 00:20:00 In this talk, Chris Voss discusses the importance of negotiating successfully with people where afterwards they call you up on a phone and they say nice job. He also points out that your counterpart is also your partner, and that compromise is a little bit of a dirty word in some cases. He hopes that his talk was able to provide some useful insights for those who may be interested in learning more about how to negotiate.
• 00:25:00 In this video, Chris Voss discusses the importance of having effective emotional intelligence tools in any negotiation. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the "unknown unknowns"--the things on the other side of the table that the speaker knows the other side does not yet know. He goes on to discuss how detecting deception can be ineffective in negotiations, as the speaker only knows what they want the other side to know. Voss also discusses the importance of having proprietary information that the other side does not yet know, and how it can be a key factor in any negotiation.
• 00:30:00 The main character of the book, Chris Voss, shares his story of teaching his son how to play football the right way. He explains that, even though it may seem like dodging a block is a cowardly act, it is actually what is driving the player. When explaining this to his son, he finds that it is much easier to understand when he breaks it down into simple terms. This is a Black Swan event for the son, who realizes that he had been doing things the wrong way all along.
• 00:35:00 Chris Voss discusses how being a negotiator can be difficult, as it is easier to get angry and hold someone responsible than to try to reconciliate. He advises against lying and suggests that attacking the other side is a bad idea for business.
• 00:40:00 Chris Voss, a negotiator and business consultant, offers advice on how to start a negotiation and how to overcome any fear of loss. He says that fear of loss is a big determinant in how people think, and that unless you're talking to someone about something important, they won't be able to listen to what you have to say. Voss recommends that you get the conversation started by asking the other person what they want, and then using that information to establish a working relationship.
• 00:45:00 Chris Voss discusses his philosophy on never splitting the difference, which is the idea that it's better to avoid making unfavorable deals than to try to make them work. He shares a story about how his parents taught him this lesson, and how it has served him well in his career as a negotiator.
• 00:50:00 In this video, Chris Voss discusses how he learned to be a successful negotiator by playing devil's advocate with his mother. He shares one of his favorite jokes, which highlights the difference between an Iowa mom and a terrorist.