Summary of VIVA LA DIFERENCIA - Pilar Sordo

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00:00:00 - 01:00:00

Pilar Sordo, a therapist, discusses the differences between men and women in terms of communication, memory retention, emotional connections, and externalizing happiness. Women tend to be highly retentive, with a great emotional memory, and a natural curiosity leading them to ask questions. However, they can also be overwhelmed by their need to retain things, leading to difficulties letting go or feeling imprisoned by their responsibilities. Men, on the other hand, are often compartmentalized and forget things that are unnecessary for them to retain. Sordo emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences in order to have successful relationships and internalizing happiness, taking responsibility for one's emotions. She also describes the impact of magical thinking on women's happiness and how taking control of one's thoughts can lead to a change in dimension and greater satisfaction in life.

00:00:00 this section, Pilar Sordo discusses her research on gender differences and how it has become popular in various countries. She credits the success of her research to the clarity and truthfulness of the data presented. Sordo also shares about her personal journey and how her difficult life has allowed her to reinvent herself and generate new resources within herself. She talks about how her research began when she started asking questions about her own separation from her husband and realized that there was no comprehensive study on the differences between men and women in Chile or Latin America. As she continued her research, more men started coming to her office alone, indicating a shift in the cultural perception of therapy for men. Sordo explains that her research has shown that the way men present their emotions and conflicts is often different from women, and this understanding can lead to better communication and relationships.
00:05:00 In this section, the therapist Pilar Sordo talks about the difference in her interactions with men and women during therapy. When a man comes into her office, she can easily discern his objectives, how he thinks and feels, and what he wants from therapy. In contrast, when a woman comes in, Sordo notes that she tends to focus on the woman's family, who is responsible for her being in therapy, and other external factors that impact her life. Sordo investigates this further and forms groups to examine how women associate certain words, including "uterus" and "sperm," which leads her to notice that women are biologically wired to retain things, including emotions and things in their environment.
00:10:00 In this section, the speaker discusses the different ways in which men and women retain memories differently. Women have a great emotional memory and can remember things in detail that most men would have already forgotten. Communication is also something women excel at, as they love to ask questions and are naturally inquisitive. Women can also be highly retentive, which can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed or a sense of imprisonment where they feel they have to do everything. Men, on the other hand, are designed to advance through life and forget things that are not necessary for them to retain. These differences in retaining memories and communication styles can cause misunderstandings and difficulties in relationships.
00:15:00 In this section, the speaker discusses the differences between men and women in terms of their ability to let go of things that cause them pain. She suggests that men have an advantage over women in this respect because they do not leave a lasting impression on situations as women do. The need for women to feel needed and indispensable is the main driving factor behind their inability to let go, whereas for men, the need to be admired is the focus. The speaker gives examples such as women urinating with the bathroom door open to feel needed and men using up their daily allotment of words before returning home. Women who feel the need to be indispensable must learn to let go of things, while men must learn to appreciate and influence the things around them.
00:20:00 In this section, the speaker talks about the differences between men and women, particularly in terms of communication. Women often have a perception that men don't talk much, but this is not true as men tend to talk a lot outside of the home, often for work-related matters. However, when men learn the importance of emotional connections with family, they begin to understand the need to retain some words for inside the home. The speaker also shares that men tend to function based on objectives while women tend to focus on processes. Men enjoy the end result, while women enjoy the journey towards the goal. This difference affects areas such as sexual relationships, where a woman values the before and after of a sexual encounter, while a man focuses on the penetration itself. Understanding these differences is crucial for successful family dynamics.
00:25:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the differences between men and women and how they approach different aspects of life differently. She explains that women value the process of things more than the objective, which often leads to them avoiding certain situations if they feel it has an implicit or explicit goal attached to it. Sordo also claims that men compartmentalize their lives into different roles, whereas women tend to mix everything together in their minds. This can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications between partners, as men may forget things that they previously said, while women can hold onto emotional attachments to actions or gifts more than the actions or gifts themselves.
00:30:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo explains how men view the different roles women play in their lives, such as being a lover, mother, and financial partner. For men, the sexual component of a relationship is crucial in distinguishing their partner from a friend or coworker. Sordo also emphasizes the importance of communication in relationships and the fundamental differences in how men and women approach conflict resolution. Women tend to need to talk about their problems while men only discuss their issues once they have found a solution. Sordo emphasizes the need for men to learn to blend their different roles in order to be more responsive to their partner's needs.
00:35:00 In this section, the speaker talks about the differences between men and women when it comes to their mode of perception. Women have the ability to focus on multiple things at the same time, which makes them highly alert but not always efficient in completing tasks. They also have a more developed sense of hearing and feeling, which lends them a higher degree of intuition. Men, on the other hand, are more visual and rely mostly on their eyes to perceive the world. This is the reason why they are more drawn to pornography while women tend to focus on text exchanges, as they interpret them as auditory messages. The speaker also explains how men tend to see women as conquests, and once they feel that they’ve achieved their goal, they stop expressing their affections. However, a man who understands that love is a continuous process of conquering a woman's heart will be able to keep his partner enamored for life.
00:40:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the differences between male and female behavior in relation to happiness and externalizing it. While men tend to internalize their happiness based on achieving goals they set for themselves, women tend to externalize it by seeking happiness outside of themselves and relying on others for their well-being. This can lead to issues in relationships as women may blame others for their unhappiness, and it can also lead to difficulties in areas such as weight loss as women may externalize the reasons for overeating. Sordo emphasizes the importance of internalizing happiness and taking responsibility for one's own emotions in order to maintain healthy relationships and overall well-being.
00:45:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the differences between men and women in organizing their thoughts and priorities. Women tend to have all their thoughts and belongings mixed together like a purse, whereas men have separate compartments in their minds that rarely intersect with each other. Additionally, men tend to divide their partners into different roles, such as mother, housekeeper, and lover, while women's identities and roles are more fluid. The only aspect of a relationship that truly differentiates it from a friendship, according to Sordo, is the sexual dimension. For men, the sexual aspect is what distinguishes a romantic relationship from a platonic one, while women tend to view the connection as more holistic.
00:50:00 In this section, the speaker discusses the differences between men and women when it comes to communication and focus. She explains that men tend to compartmentalize things and have trouble mixing different aspects, while women are multifocal and able to concentrate on multiple things at once. This can lead to misunderstandings, with women feeling like men don't understand their emotions or don't share their problems. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences in order to have happy and successful relationships.
00:55:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the negative impact of magical thinking on women's happiness. She relates a story of a woman who was constantly focused on what she lacked, unable to value what she had in her life. Through her research, Sordo found that the more a woman engaged in magical thinking, the unhappier she was. This thinking also had a negative effect on those around her. However, when women began to take control of their thoughts and shift their perspective, they were able to achieve a change in dimension and find happiness in their lives. Sordo notes that men often struggle to satisfy women's desires rooted in magical thinking, leading to complaints and dissatisfaction.

01:00:00 - 01:50:00

Pilar Sordo discusses various issues related to family relationships, gender behavior and happiness in Chile. She addresses the issue of girls becoming masculinized due to constant complaints from mothers and grandmothers about the hardships of being a woman. Sordo emphasizes the importance of valuing the traditional family structure and prioritizing personal relationships with partners and children. She highlights the need to cultivate values instead of accumulating belongings to enjoy meaningful lives. Sordo encourages individuals to take responsibility for their lives, focus on the positive and chose to be happy. She stresses the importance of expressing love and building strong relationships within the family, valuing and appreciating older generations, and not avoiding difficulties or consequences.

01:00:00 In this section, the speaker talks about how the younger generations of women have become increasingly independent and self-sufficient, to the point where they don't need men for anything. However, the downside of this is that they have become masculinized in their behavior, dressing and even how they speak. The speaker suggests that the reason for this is due to constant complaints from their mothers and grandmothers about the hardships of being a woman and how men are the cause of their troubles. This verbalization has led to a lack of pride and solidarity among women, causing some to reject femininity altogether. The speaker suggests that instead of complaining, women should focus on finding happiness and fulfillment in their lives, regardless of their gender.
01:05:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo talks about the consequences of the masculinization of girls in Chile. She explains that there is a significant percentage of girls between seventh and first year of high school who cut themselves because they have decided not to speak or cry since they do not want to resemble their unhappy mothers. This leads to immense anguish, so they found relief in cutting themselves. Another consequence is the game of electric lesbians that is happening between first and second year of high school, which is a way for girls to substitute for boys because they have been taught that all men are miserable. Lastly, Sordo talks about the behavior of sexually active teenagers who consume more alcohol than previous generations, leading to a breaking down of social barriers and norms.
01:10:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo talks about gender behavior in Chile and how the idea of gender equality has been misinterpreted to mean that men and women are the same, which is not the case. She discusses the issue of women behaving like men and men losing their masculinity, leading to relationship problems. She warns of a devaluation of women, evident through the availability of women and the increasing promiscuity. The issue of adolescent maltreatment in relationships is causing concern, and Sordo emphasizes the importance of valuing the traditional family structure, where the parents are friends with their children, establishing discipline, and inculcating values. She stresses the importance of being present during family meals, switching off phones and devices and showing generosity and kindness, particularly to children.
01:15:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the issues that come with the inundation of technology and materialism in society, which ultimately manifests in how families interact with one another. She believes that adults must exercise true authority in the home by setting boundaries and helping teach children how to value and appreciate what they have, instead of buying into the idea that happiness can be purchased. Sordo argues that the constant pursuit of happiness through materialism only generates feelings of dissatisfaction, especially in young people who have grown up with too many things and not enough substance. She encourages society to focus less on accumulating belongings and more on cultivating values that will help people enjoy meaningful lives.
01:20:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses how people tend to take the easy way out when dealing with their anxieties and problems by turning to quick fixes like alcohol or medication instead of addressing the root causes. She believes that this is due to a lack of genuine connection and communication in families and relationships. Sordo advocates for people to prioritize their personal relationships with their partners and children, and to give them the same attention and effort that they put into their jobs. By doing so, Sordo argues that people can create stronger bonds and prevent unnecessary breakups and conflicts.
01:25:00 In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of working on family relationships just as we work on our careers. She stresses that it's a matter of priorities rather than simply not having time for children. Parents need to value and appreciate the little moments spent with their children, as it doesn't take much to make them happy. The speaker recounts a powerful story of a blind man who taught her to be grateful for the small things in life and to find happiness in everyday moments. She concludes that happiness is a decision and a matter of attitude, which can be achieved by finding meaning and purpose in what we do, rather than always doing what we want.
01:30:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo highlights the importance of expressing love and building strong relationships within the family. She stresses the need for parents to tell their children that they love them, to show emotion and pride, and to maintain close bonds. Sordo also shares a personal experience, where she questioned whether she had shown enough love to her daughter before a serious health scare. She emphasizes the need to prioritize important things like family and love, over technology and distractions, in order to create a stronger, more united society.
01:35:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo emphasizes that women should feel proud of their femininity, regardless of their professional roles, and understand that their energy is powerful in the household. She also stresses the importance of men speaking up and being prepared to retain the women in their lives, as well as paying attention to their children. Sordo highlights the need for people to recognize the decisions they make and take responsibility for their lives, noting that happiness is an inside job and not determined by external factors. Additionally, she encourages individuals to value and appreciate older generations, recognizing the impact of their upbringing and experiences.
01:40:00 In this section, speaker Pilar Sordo addresses the notion that children need to experience difficulties and frustrations in order to develop a sense of responsibility. She argues that constantly coddling children and allowing them to avoid facing consequences for their actions can ultimately lead to a culture of manipulation and entitlement. By taking responsibility for our own actions and understanding the importance of self-regulation and accountability, Sordo suggests that we can create a healthier family dynamic and promote personal growth. She emphasizes that the ultimate impact of her message lies in the hands of the audience, and hopes that her words inspire positive change.
01:45:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo discusses the power of choice in determining one's attitude towards life's challenges and stresses the importance of focusing on the positive things that one has to be grateful for rather than dwelling on the negative. She encourages her audience to teach their children the concept of choosing to be happy, arguing that it is the key to a healthy family structure and ultimately, a healthy society. Sordo contends that changes in laws or systems will never be sufficient to change the souls of individuals, and it is only through such small but significant changes in mindset that true and lasting progress can be achieved.
01:50:00 In this section, Pilar Sordo emphasizes the importance of expressing love towards our children, even if it means feeling embarrassed or vulnerable. She encourages parents to prioritize showing affection and expressing their love towards their children above all else, and not to be afraid of feeling and expressing emotions. By putting aside our egos and societal pressures, we can focus on what truly matters in life, and hopefully, inspire others to do the same.